I remember when I started the study of soul structure, and how there were a number, mostly, if not all, evil souls thrown across my path. I grasped what was going on (I’m usually well prepared for these things), and started to take mental notes on what I was being asked to study.
There were a bunch, I could swear there were a bunch, of odd soul structures that were thrown in with the “big” guys: the antiChrist, Satan, and the devil (although that was not so much a study of structure as it was a study in the character of the devil’s soul).
Now I wish I could remember what the others were in the bunch of “odd” evil soul structure during that study. (Yes, I’m often told to write things down, but do I? Well, obviously not.)
There’s one that sticks in my mind, though. As old and as used-up as it seems to be these days. I think it sticks there not just because of its odd make-up, but also because I will always associate it with the person in whom it appeared.
And, really, I don’t know if this woman was fully unique in her soul structure, or whether she represented a certain type of soul. It wasn’t one of those big studies, so I haven’t had to go back and study it some more.
But that study, that little kind of soul, is still with me.
The spiritual anorexic
The study, because it was the first in my experience, was all to do with basic structure: the soul, I thought, seemed to be akin to one of those aquariums-used-to-grow-plants-in that were popular a few decades ago. I could see the “shell,” the casing, as it were, and inside it, it was like soil with plants growing in it. This would be the “normal” soul.
At the time, though, I was assigned to studying evil soul structure. So the qualities of a normal soul were pushed aside quite quickly.
But there was this woman. And I watched her. And watched her. And watched her. I found it fascinating. For the most part, there is no real action going on in a soul. It’s more like the ocean, if that. Movements. Waves. Changes that come about gradually, as a result of forces moving in and out and around the soul.
But this woman had a soul that worked like a peasant woman on spring-cleaning day. And that was just it: her soul had a self-cleaning mechanism in it. A perpetually moving, all-sweeping, all-sterilizing will that kept any kind of soil to accumulate there.
The soil of a soul is the results, the drippings, that come from an experience. It’s our very specifically spiritual learnings. My mother dies, and I take from that experience my understanding of God. I find myself alone to face having to paint the entire house on my own. And I take from that another understanding of God.
Good or bad, adoration of God or abomination, it doesn’t matter: it all goes into the soul to become the ground in which we grow our relationship with God. From Man to God – our soul is the vehicle, the means to connect. Our silent vocal chords that sing our praise or scream our complaints.
It’s all there.
Well, this woman, the one with the spiritually anorexic soul had nothing in her soul.
It was phenomenal. Anytime anything happened to her – and she was in a situation wherein a lot happened to and around her – she got busy and cleaned her soul of anything that might smack of a position for or against God. She would have none of it. To her, a clean soul was a good soul.
No relationship with God whatsoever.
And she wore a clerical collar around her neck.
And worked in an environment surrounded by priests. Everyday church services, meetings that had only to do with church business.
Nothing but God in her daily life.
No God in her soul.
Some people just amaze me.
The pusher soul
Along the way, I got to study the pusher soul. All of us know this type of soul. It’s the person who never shuts-up about whatever it is he’s pushing. Who goes on and on and on, not because he’s so full of the matter he needs to share it with others. Or because the matter has so impassioned him that he’s roused to speak about the subject.
This is the salesman of the soul. The man who talks and talks about whatever-it-is in order to get you to go along with him. The sheepherder of the conversation.
But, the bottom-line for this guy, is that he is a liar.
I’m this, he wants to convince you. Come along with me.
And, for the most part, I have to admit, what I see is that people do tend to go along with him. There’s something about him, either the ability to assure people or the ability to push people into his way of thinking just to stop him from arguing with them any longer.
But, for many, many years, I “knew” that pusher souls were not evil souls.
They were just annoying.
Until one day, I kept hearing this whisper about an evil pusher soul. And I kept pushing the whisper away, asserting that the pusher soul was not evil. But the whispering continued. For a few years, in fact.
There was, at that time, a soul that I was studying. A soul that I could still be studying, it was so immense, so challenging to understand, to get a grasp on.
It was only because I happened to start tripping, literally, over the conflicts between his statements and his actions and because he became so closely affiliated with an ordinary pusher soul that I tried to focus and understand at least a little of what I was seeing before me.
And then it was kind of like a birthday party: the pinata broke open and what fell out in this instance was the myriad ways that this man’s soul was evil. For a while, it felt like the forms of evil that his soul had grabbed onto would be never-ending. Perhaps it is, in fact, never-ending, it’s just that my study of it ended. (Thanks be to God.)
And in the end, there it was. A gold nugget that had been hidden by the pile of trash that was blowing around after the smash-up: he, himself, was a pusher. A glorious convincer, a magical conniver, a potent manipulator who talked people into believing in him just to feel to look of their approval on him.
The key to whether or not a soul is evil has to do with the result: does this person harm others. Did this man harm others with his lies?
And the answer had to be, overwhelmingly, yes.
Not all lies harm. The commandment isn’t against lying, it’s against slander: Do not tell falsehoods about your neighbor.
Do no harm with falsehoods.
When a pusher soul goes too far, when it’s no longer about entertainment and tricking people with no meaningful effects, then the pusher soul becomes evil.
Again, it was a unique soul. Very unique.
Which just goes to prove that this universe, in terms of spiritual expression, is infinitely varied and expressive.
I wonder how God keeps up with it all.
Must be exhausting.