TALES FROM BEYOND THE HORIZON: The Bull’s Head

A few days ago, someone described me as being “rigid.”  I know that it was meant (in a disguised way) to offend me.  To put me in my place.  There were other descriptions made at that time, others that made me ponder and wonder why someone would use that specific descriptive, a descriptive that held accuracy while the accuser expressed no understanding in why I was that way.

But the term, rigid, has held my attention over the time that it was uttered.

It has, in its own quiet way, changed the way that I look upon myself.  A nice change.  A most positive change.

My reaction to being described as rigid, was: and what, exactly, would a flexible mystic look like to you?

I thought about Saint Francis of Assisi responding to his father’s denouncing of Francis’s choice to join the church, condemning his abilities by accusing him of having everything he had out of the goodness of the father’s heart, and Francis’s response: to strip off all his clothing, turn his back on his father, and walk naked to his new home.

The act, at this time of reflection on the matter of rigidity, brings me to laughter.

And I thought about how despised Mother Teresa became in her ministry, how many people raised their fists against her.  Why?  Because she would not respond positively to their suggestions on how to run her ministry.

No.  Instead.  She stayed true to her visions.  She fed people.  She washed people.  She gave them a place to sleep.  And she held their hand as they slipped into death.

Dignity.  She gave them dignity.

That was her mission.  And she never wavered from it.

Absolutely rigid until she, herself, drew her last breath.

But the more I thought about how the term applied to me, the more laughter filled the space around me.

I finally realized that to call me rigid was like calling Mother Teresa a nice, little old lady: so woefully inadequate that it is most amusing.

I’m not rigid.

I’m a rock.

I don’t remember if I have written about this before, but when I was a child, I cried myself to sleep every night because I felt that I failed at honoring my mother and father.

I even had visions that reassured me that my intent was there and it was true, and that was what mattered.

I never listened to those visions.  I continued to condemn myself.

I never listened to God about who I was.  And I was just a child at the time.

It wasn’t until I had children of my own and that looked out in the world and realized that honoring one’s parents is a very complex matter.  That children need to bump up against who their parents are so that they can come to terms with who they are themselves.

That being aware of my difference from the other members of my family did not equal not honoring them.

But then I kept thinking about it all.

My life.  My desire to grow and be just like John the Baptist, probably the least flexible human being that has ever lived.  Yeah, I thought, just go ahead and suggest to John how you think he should change his outlook on life, and see how he responds.

(Still laughing.)

It was when I was in my early twenties, and I allowed the visions to “come back” (not that they had really ever gone anywhere except to where I was unconscious of them), that I first became aware of my true nature: the mystic with the bull’s head.

Before I had walked away from my visions, I had just accepted them, like a conversation with an old and dear friend, something that I found infinitely interesting and a reason to wake up every morning radiantly joyous.

But after my “normalcy” break, somehow I had grown in ways.  Perhaps it was just the few years of growth itself.  Who knows.

But now, instead of a grassy hillside underneath a tree, I lived in Berkeley, California.  I had honed out, in a way, the shape of my mind.

I had no clue about my will, though.

And there it was.  Other people who I had read about having deeply personal experiences of God came across as such sweet, open people.  Wide open.

Enthusiastic.

Not me.

It was as though God and I were in a cosmic, universal boxing ring.  He on his side.  I on mine.

And every vision became a head-on collision between the two of us.  Every concept that was given me was ripped to shreds, pulled apart unceremoniously, and stomped on until it revealed its true nature.

I always had in my mind what I absolutely knew to be the meat of the matter.

I was always, never varyingly, wrong.

God was always, never varyingly, right.

Thanks to time, this whole contentiousness went from being a challenge to being a reassurance.

I could trust God.  Maybe not always in the way I wanted to trust him, but he was, always, in the end, right.

And profoundly subtle and surprising in ways that I still surprise me.

This shouldn’t be news to anyone.  But it was to me.  And it took every ounce of energy I had to fight him directly to find it out.

No easy acceptance on face value for me.

No.  It was, you have to get your idea PAST me.

And he did.

And he did.

And he did.

But now that I look back, I am truly gobsmacked.

Challenging God like that.

Standing my ground, day after day, year after year.

Show me!

So, yeah, damn straight.  I’m rigid.

And as I look out over the others who have stood rigid in their faith, in their knowing of God, in their absoluteness, I realize that I am just like them.

For the first time in my life, thanks to a random comment, I feel that I belong to the brother- and sisterhood of the rigid.

Thanks be to God.

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POETRY: Trappists, Working, by Thomas Merton

Now all our saws sing holy sonnets in this world of timber
Where oaks go off like guns, and fall like cataracts,
Pouring their roar into the wood’s green well.

Walk to us, Jesus, through the wall of trees,
And find us still adorers in these airy churches,
Singing our other Office with our saws and axes.
Still teach Your children in the busy forest,
And let some little sunlight reach us, in our mental shades, and leafy studies.

When time has turned the country white with grain
And filled our regions with the thrashing sun,
Walk to us, Jesus, through the walls of wheat
When our two tractors come to cut them down:
Sow some light winds upon the acres of our spirit,
And cool the regions where our prayers are reapers,
And slake us, Heaven, with Your living rivers.

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FAITH: The Volunteer at Auschwitz

Written by Chuck Colson

Maximilian Kolbe was forty-five years old in the early autumn of 1939 when the Nazis invaded his homeland.  He was a Polish friar in Niepokalanow, a village near Warsaw.  There, 762 priests and lay brothers lived in the largest friary in the world.  Father Kolbe presided over Niepokalanow with a combination of industry, joy, love, and humor that made him beloved by the plainspoken brethren there.

In his simple room, he sat each morning at a pigeonhole desk, a large globe before him, praying over the world.  He did so, tortured by the fact that a pale man with arresting blue eyes and a terrifying power of manipulation had whipped the people of Germany into a frenzy.  Whole nations had already fallen to the evil Adolf Hitler and his Nazis.

“An atrocious conflict is brewing,” Father Kolbe told a group of friars one day after he had finished prayers.  ”We do not know what will develop.  In our beloved Poland, we must expect the worst.”  Father Kolbe was right.  His country was next.

On September 1, 1939, the Nazi blitzkrieg broke over Poland.  After several weeks, a group of Germans arrived at Niepokalanow on motorcycles and arrested Father Kolbe and all but two of his friars who had remained behind.  They were loaded on trucks, then into livestock wagons, and two days later arrived at Amtitz, a prison camp.

Conditions were horrible, but nor horrific.  Prisoners were hungry, but no one died of starvation.  Strangely, within a few weeks the brothers were released from prison.  Back at the friary, they found the buildings vandalized and the Nazis in control, using the facility as a deportation camp for political prisoners, refugees, and Jews.

The situation was an opportunity for ministry, and Father Kolbe took advantage of it, helping the sick and comforting the fearful.

While Kolbe and the friars used their time to serve others, the Nazis used theirs to decide just how to impose their will on the rest of Europe.  To Adolf Hitler, the Jews and Slavic people were the Untermenschen (sub humans).  Their cultures and cities were to be erased and their industry appropriated for Germany.  On October 2, Hitler outlined a secret memorandum to Hans Frank, the governor general of Poland.  In a few phrases he determined the grim outcome for millions: “The ordinary Poles are especially born for low labor.  The Polish gentry must cease to exist.  All representatives of one master for the Poles, the German.”

As for Poland’s hundreds of thousands of priests?

“They will preach what we want them to preach,” said Hitler’s memo.  ”If any priest acts differently, we will make short work of him.  The task of the priest is to keep the Poles quiet, stupid, and dull-witted.”

Maximilian Kolbe was clearly a priest who “acted differently,” from the Nazis’ designs.

In early February 1941, the Polish underground smuggled word to Kolbe that his name was on a Gestapo list: he was about to be arrested.  Kolbe knew what happened to loved ones of those who tried to elude the Nazis’ grasp: their friends and colleagues were taken instead.  He had no wife or children; his church was his family.  And he could not risk the loss of any of his brothers in Christ.  So he stayed at Niepokalanow.

At nine o’clock on the morning of February 17, Father Kolbe was sitting at his pigeonhole desk, his eyes and prayers on the globe before him, when he heard the sound of heavy vehicles outside the thick panes of his green-painted windows.  He knew it was the Nazis, but he remained at his desk.  He would wait for them to come to him.

After being held in Nazi prisons for several months, Father Kolbe was found guilty of the crime of publishing unapproved materials and sentenced to Auschwitz.  Upon his arrival at the camp in May 1941, an SS officer informed him that the life expectancy of priests there was about a month.  Kolbe was assigned to the timber detail; he was to carry felled tree trunks from one place to another.  Guards stood by to ensure that the exhausted prisoners did so at a quick trot.

Years of slim rations and overwork at Niepokalanow had already weakened Kolbe.  Now, under the load of wood, he staggered and collapsed.  Officers converged on him, kicking him with their shiny leather boots and beating him with their whips.  He was stretched out on a pile of wood, dealt fifty lashes, then shoved into a ditch, covered with branches, and left for dead.

Later, having been picked up by some brave prisoners, he awoke in a camp hospital bed alongside several other near-dead inmates.  There, miraculously, he revived.

“No need to waste gas or a bullet on that one,” chuckled one SS officer to another.  ”He’ll be dead soon.”

Kolbe was switched to other work and transferred to Barracks 14, where he continued to minister to his fellow prisoners, so tortured by hunger they could not sleep.

By the end of July 1941, Auschwitz was working like a well-organized killing machine, and the Nazis congratulated themselves on their efficiency.  The camp’s five chimneys never stopped smoking.  The stench was terrible, the the results were excellent: eight thousand Jews could be stripped, their possessions appropriated for the Reich, gassed, and cremated – all in twenty-four hours.  Every twenty-four hours.

About the only problem was the occasional prisoner from the work side of the camp who would figure out a way to escape.  When these escapees were caught, as they usually were, they would be hanged with special nooses that slowly choked out their miserable lives – a grave warning to others who might be tempted to try.

Then one July night as the frogs and insects in the marshy land surrounding the camp began their evening chorus, the air was suddenly filled with the baying of dogs, the curses of soldiers, and the roar of motorcycles.  A man had escaped from Barracks 14.

The next morning there was a peculiar tension as the ranks of phantom-thin prisoners lined up for morning roll call in the central square, their eyes on the large gallows before them.  But there was no condemned man standing there, his hands bound behind him, his face bloodied from blows and dog bites.  That meant the prisoner had made it out of Auschwitz.  And that meant death from some of those who remained.

After the roll call, Camp Commandant Fritsch ordered the dismissal of all but Barracks 14.  While the rest of the camp went about its duties, the prisoners from Barracks 14 stood motionless in line.  They waited.  Hours passed.  The summer sun beat down.  Some fainted and were dragged away.  Some swayed in place but held on; those the SS officers beat with the butts of their guns.  Father Kolbe, by some miracle, stayed on his feet, his posture as straight as his resolve.

By evening roll call the commandant was ready to levy sentence.  The other prisoners had returned from their day of slave labor; now he could make a lesson out of the fate of this miserable barracks.

Fritsch began to speak, the veins in his thick neck standing out with rage.  ”The fugitive has not been found,” he screamed.  ”Ten of you will die for him in the starvation bunker.  Next time, twenty will be condemned.”

The rows of exhausted prisoners began to sway as they heard the sentence.  The guards let them; terror was part of their punishment.

The starvation bunker!  Anything was better – death on the gallows, a bullet in the head at the Wall of Death, or even the gas in the chambers.  All those were quick, even humane, compared to Nazi starvation, for they denied you water as well as food.

The prisoners had heard the stories from the starvation bunker in the basement of Barracks 11.  They said the condemned didn’t even look like human beings after a day or two.  They frightened even the guards.  Their throats turned to paper, their brains turned to fire, their intestines dried up and shriveled like desiccated worms.

Commandant Fritsch walked the rows of prisoners.  When he stopped before a man, he would command in bad Polish, “Open your mouth!  Put out your tongue!  Show your teeth!”  And so he went, choosing victims like horses.

His dreary assistant, Palitsch, followed behind.  As Fritsch chose a man, Palitsch noted the number stamped on the prisoner’s filthy shirt.  The Nazis, as always, were methodical.  Soon there were ten men – ten numbers neatly listed on the death roll.  The chosen groaned, sweating with fear.  ”My poor wife!” one man cried.  ”My poor children!  What will they do?”

“Take off your shoes!” the commandant barked at the ten men.  This was one of his rituals; they must march to their deaths barefoot.  A pile of twenty wooden clogs made a small heap at the front of the grassy square.

Suddenly there was a commotion in the ranks.  A prisoner had broken out of line, calling for the commandant.  It was unheard of to leave the ranks, let alone address a Nazi office; it was cause for execution.

Fritsch had his hand on his revolver, as did the officers behind him.  But he broke precedent.  Instead of shooting the prisoner, he shouted at him.

“Halt!  What does this Polish pig want of me?”

The prisoners gasped.  It was their beloved Father Kolbe, the priest who shared his last crust, who comforted the dying and nourished their souls.  Not Father Kolbe!  The frail priest spoke softly, even calmly, to the Nazi butcher.  ”I would like to die in place of one of the men you condemned.”

Fritsch stared at the prisoner, No. 16670.  He never considered them as individuals; they were just a gray blur.  But he looked now.  No. 16670 didn’t appear to be insane.

“Why?” snapped the commandant.

Father Kolbe sensed the need for exacting diplomacy.  The Nazis never reversed an order; so he must not seem to be asking him to do so.  Kolbe knew the Nazi dictum of destruction: the weak and the elderly first.  He would play on this well-ingrained principle.

“I am an old man, sir, and good for nothing.  My life will serve no purpose.”

His ploy triggered the response Kolbe wanted.  ”In whose place do you want to die?” asked Fritsch.

“For that one,” Kolbe responded, pointing to the weeping prisoner who had bemoaned his wife and children.

Fritsch glanced at the weeping prisoner.  He did look stronger than this tattered No. 16670 before him.

For the first and last time, the commandant looked Kolbe in the eye.  ”Who are you?” he asked.

The prisoner looked back at him, a strange fire in his dark eyes.  ”I am a priest.”

“Ein Pfaffe!” the commandant snorted.  He looked at his assistant and nodded.  Palitsch drew a line through No. 5659 and wrote down No. 16670.  Kolbe’s place on the death ledger was set.

Father Kolbe bent down to take off his clogs, then joined the group to be marched to Barracks 11.  As he did so, No. 5659 passed by him at a distance – and on the man’s face was an expression so astonished that it had not yet become gratitude.

But Kolbe wasn’t looking for gratitude.  If he was to lay down his life for another, the fulfillment had to be in the act of obedience itself.  The joy must be found in submitting his small will to the will of One more grand.

As the condemned men entered Barracks 11, guards roughly pushed them down the stairs to the basement.

“Remove your clothes!” shouted an officer.  Christ died on the cross naked, Father Kolbe thought as he took off his pants and thin shirt.  It is fitting that I suffer as He suffered.

In the basement the ten men were herded into a dark, windowless cell.

“You will dry up like tulips,” sneered one jailer.  Then he swung the heavy door shut.

As the hours and days passed, however, the camp became aware of something extraordinary happening in the death cell.  Past prisoners had spent their dying days howling, attacking one anther, clawing the walls in a frenzy of despair.

But now, coming from the death box, those outside heard the faint sounds of singing.  For this time the prisoners had a shepherd to gently lead them through the shadows of the valley of death, pointing them to the Great Shepherd.  And perhaps for that reason Father Kolbe was the last to die.

On August 14, 1941, there were four prisoners still alive in the bunker, and it was needed for new occupants.  A German doctor named Boch descended the steps of Barracks 11, four syringes in his hand.  Several SS troopers and a prisoner named Brono Borgowiec (who survived Auschwitz) were with him – the former to observe and the latter to carry out the bodies.

When they swung the bunker door open, there, in the light of their flashlight, they saw Father Maximilian Kolbe, a living skeleton, propped against one wall.  His head was inclined a bit to the left.  He had the ghost of a smile on his lips and his eyes wide open, fixed on some faraway vision.  He did not move.

The other three prisoners were on the floor, unconscious but alive.  The doctor took care of them first, a jab of the needle into the bony left arm, the push of the piston in the syringe.  It seemed a waste of the drug, but he had his orders.  Then he approached No. 16670 and repeated the action.

In a moment, Father Kolbe was dead.

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POETRY: My Uncle Sowing Beatitudes, by David Bottoms

1
When he huffed out of the woods at the foot of the hill,
both fists clenched rocks. My uncle saw him
before he reached the field,
and stopped hoeing,
stood up and leaned on his hoe.
This was a cousin on his father’s side,
nineteen or twenty, and a week out of jail.

Far off in the okra a wind whirled the dust,
a rustle of needles
sparked the tree line. He screamed something
I don’t recall, he kicked the dirt,
he wanted to fight. He was drunk
and sick of his mother nagging
about the muddy well.
My uncle’s tractor had been causing a runoff.

Or it hadn’t, my uncle said,
the well was almost half a mile away.
But the boy threw hard out of the sunlight
and caught him on the cheek,
and my uncle wobbled,
a little dazed.

2
I pop the clip
from the pistol and cross that same field fertile
now only in memory. The woods are quieted
from the shots, and the field is quiet,
in the far distance stretching toward the road
only one indignant crow.

Four bullets clustered in the heart of the target,
three more in wounding range–
good enough.

Listen, here in the foothills
above the suburban skirmishes of apparent Armageddon,
I can’t turn around without having
to untangle parable.
I run a fist into a coat pocket, loose change
of cartridges. All over the ground,
sunlight on spent brass.

3
Bastard, coward,
I remember those names, and the boy spitting
and pointing his finger.
Dust rose again behind them
and the small sky darkened with vultures.

Vultures?
No, but in middle age the memory circles.

So my uncle only turns again to his hoe,
his chopped strokes and drags,
edgy hacking at clods,
and he isn’t a small man, early forties,
stout, ex-marine who’d out-toughed the Japanese
on Guadalcanal. (Could thirty years
completely cloud his shadow?)
He hoes his beans until the boy disappears,
then brushes the cut with the back of his wrist,
I recall this about him,
along with the morning
he crouched for hours beside an icy creek
only to balk at shooting a buck.
In Paradise, he may have said,
not even the violence of a heartbeat.

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SCRIPTURE: The Poor in Spirit

I could be wrong – but I don’t think so – but it strikes me that the whole lot that has been written about the first beatitude in Matthew – Blessed are the poor in spirit, for they shall inherit the kingdom of God – is mostly about spiritualizing poverty.  Making the state of material want a holy state.

(Dim overhead lights, bring up soft background glow, and pipe in sweet voices in perfect harmony – but only in open vowel sounds, mind you.)

The problem for this for me is multi-layered.

First there’s the harumphing around the idea that somehow being poor – having no access to good dental care, being limited to chicken wings (if you’re lucky), doing your best to make do with two pairs of underpants – somehow makes you a better person.

Or is it that?

Could it be more the idea that you’ve struggled all your life, you’ve done without, so now that you’re dead, God’s going to let you sit in the Holy Sauna in Heaven while your pâté is served to you by never-surly angel-waiters.

Yeah.  See. This just doesn’t make any sense to me.

Because let’s face it.  There are a whole lot of mean poor people out there.  And there are rich people who spend their money doing good for their neighbors.

So holy holes-in-the-knees poverty can’t be a real concept.  Not real at all.

(Which is not to say that some who have adopted poverty as a lifestyle haven’t benefited from it.  But that’s another reality altogether.  But that can’t work in this instance either because just because a person adopts an impoverished lifestyle doesn’t mean that he is going to benefit from it, or become a good and holy person.  He might benefit from it, or he just might become yet another mean poor person.  And we’re back to where we started.)

One problem that I see with the Bible is that a whole lot of stories in the Old Testament can be taken on a relative basis, that is, Moses in a basket is just that: a baby Moses in a basket.  It doesn’t take that much mental strain to see what’s behind this whole thing: infiltrate the enemy’s camp.  And then take it down from the inside.

And start really, really young.

Fine.

But once we get to the New Testament, once we do our best to crack open the Gospels, with their red type screaming lessons at us, we have to set aside our confidence in ourselves, thinking that we know what is going on.

Because it strikes me that what the red type is really screaming is that we really don’t know what’s going on.

At all.

And that is because of the difference between God’s absolute nature, and our own relative nature.  Oh, how we love to put things into terms that we understand.  That we can manipulate.  That we can control.

I remember the first time I heard the beatitudes read out in church.  I almost fell out of my pew.  Because what I heard and thought was: Blessed are the meek– SO WHAT’S UP WITH THE ARROGANT?  Are they cursed? 

I figured that the opposite of blessed is cursed.

And that’s what I thought about during that whole sermon: this is about Jesus standing up in front of a whole lot of people and dividing them, and looking right into their eyes, and telling them, you, over there, I’m not blessing you.  Get it?  (Because, after all, a truly meek person would be the last person to admit that he was meek, and so would not benefit from knowing that God blessed him.  It would the arrogant who would be imagining themselves with their inheritances.)

And I was amazed.

And very, very impressed.

Because it struck me that pretty much no-one was listening to that side of the lesson.

But now that I am older (yes, and wiser) and subtlety has bashed its way into my thick bull’s head, I look at what has to be: that these lessons are absolute teachings of God.

Which means that they have to apply to everyone at all times of history.

And what fascinates me about that is that when we are given absolute teaching, we have to encapsulate it in our own relative brains.  Like a mosquito encased in amber.

Frozen, as it were.

We’ve captured it.

Here, when we read the beatitudes, we, as I did as a child, think of the comparison that is being offered.  If we are poor in spirit, then we’ve got it made in Heaven.  If we are, um, rich in spirit, then, what, we have to sit in the bleachers?

It’s there, whether we like it or not.  The comparisons that are thrown to us in the beatitudes that land like a lump at our feet.

But, as I wrote just a few minutes ago, those comparisons can’t work.  They eliminate absolute values.

So these comparisons are just illusions.  We cannot define the concepts in the beatitudes in terms of what we have come to know through the experience of our lives.

So, what then, is the absolute value of poverty?  And how does that apply to our soul?

And how can we truly understand that while in normal life, more it better, here less is better.  Or so it seems.  Or are we clever and make it flip: the more poor in spirit I am, the  better.

Ah, comparisons.

Can’t work in terms of God.

In his quite short, yet amazing, book, Poverty in Spirit, Johannes B. Metz proposes that when Jesus flouts Satan’s challenges, that he is reducing himself to the true state of man, and becomes, accordingly, poor in spirit.  He brings himself down to a state of being able to do nothing.

And so I wondered, is our spiritual impotency, that is compared with Jesus’s spiritual wonder, the true expression on Earth of poor in spirit.  We cannot raise our hand and by doing so, bring someone back from the dead.  Or make demons infesting a person come out and go into a passel of pigs.

We know that Jesus can do these things (and more), so why then does he shut down just because Satan is around?

It is an interesting situation to ponder: Jesus so very capable and proven to be so, but in this case, he becomes an ordinary man with hunger pains, an aching back, and nothing to show for it.

And by extension (going backwards), was our expulsion from Eden, in truth, just the beginning of our learning that we are nothing without God?  Was it a seemingly never learned lesson that we are, at the base of our existence, absolutely impotent?  That we are in every spiritual term there is, nothing.

Metz goes on to describe Jesus in his Passion as the ultimate expression of the concept of poor in spirit.  He is alone.  He receives minimal help from others.  He cannot change the destiny that is laid out before him.

It was written, and Jesus walks the words to their ultimate destination.

Do we, then, come to our own poverty of spirit when we completely surrender to the book of our life that God has written for us?  Is the attainment of the ideal of being poor in spirit achieved by stopping ourselves from insisting on asserting that we know what’s best for us in our lives, instead of allowing our lives to unfold before us?

Is our ultimate destination in life the place of kneeling down and saying to God, I can do nothing without you?

 

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SCRIPTURE: The Beatitudes, by Charles de Foucauld

From Hope in the Gospels

1. How blest are the poor in spirit: the reign of God is theirs. (Matthew 5:3)

Let us hope!  Salvation is at hand; Heaven is at hand, and here is an easy way to save ourselves, to enter into Heaven; only one thing is needed: “to be poor in spirit.”  To be poor in spirit is to be truly poor at the bottom of one’s soul, truly detached from all things, not only to be truly deprived of material goods, not only not to desire them, but to completely forget oneself, to have a soul empty not only of all earthly desires, but of all desire and absolutely so, whether concerning oneself or others, of self, of material things, absolutely empty of everything, and full of God.  In God, for God, for God’s sake, we will have desires for others, for ourselves; we will desire certain material things; but everything must be for God’s sake.  Only he will fill us: we will be absolutely empty of ourselves, of others, of material things, empty of all that is created, perfectly poor, perfectly detached from all that is created, and thereby ready to be full of God, rich in God, totally attached to God.  Here is a very easy way, that is within everybody’s reach, to earn Heaven.  Let us use it and hope for it, and hope in this great goodness of God which gives us the way to earn Heaven and to do it so easily!

2. Blest are the lowly; they shall inherit the land. (Matthew 5:5)

“The land of the living,” the land of “heavenly Zion,” the land of the “the home,” the only one that can make us blest, for we “are not of this world.”  In order to possess this blessed land, this “Vision of Peace,” in order to possess him who will give us our beatitude there, you, divine Child Jesus, whom I adore during this Christmas season, lying in your manger between your holy parents, in order to possess you in eternity and be forever at your feet between the Blessed Mother and Saint Joseph, without any fear of losing you, and enjoying endlessly the twin vision of your perfections and your happiness, all I have to be is truly lowly.  What an easy condition!  What a simply way!  How good you are, my God, to make our access to the Motherland so easy, and to show us its paths!  Let us hope, let us hope, since the road is so easy and since you show it so clearly to us, my God!  For if you show it to us in such a way, you will certainly give us also the strength to walk it.

3. Blest too are the sorrowing; they shall be consoled. (Matthew 5:4)

Let us hope; let us hope, all of us who are sorrowing, who are shedding innocent tears.  Let us hope when we cry for the pains of our body or of our soul: they are our purgatory.  God is using them to make us atone for our faults, to lift our eyes toward him, to purify us, to sanctify us.  Let us hope even more if we cry for the pains of others, for such a charity is inspired by God and pleases him; let us hope even more if we cry for our sins, because such a compunction is put into our souls by God himself; let us hope even more if we cry with a pure heart for others’ sins, for this love of God’s glory and of the sanctification of souls is inspired by God and is a great grace; let us hope if we cry out of the desire to see God and out of the pain of our separation from him, for this loving desire is God’s work in us.  Let us hope even more if we cry only because we love, without any desire or fear, fully wanting all that God wants, and wanting nothing else, happy in his glory, suffering his past suffering, crying at times out of compassion when we remember his Passion, at times out of joy when we think about his Ascension and his glory, and at times, simply out of sheer emotion because we love him unto death!  O very gentle Jesus, make me cry for all these reasons; make me cry all the tears that love pours out. in you, through you, and for you.  Amen.

4. Blest are they who hunger and thirst for holiness; they shall have their fill. (Matthew 5:6)

Hope!  Blest are they who give to all, to God, to others, to themselves what is their due!  Hope!  For the power to give to all what is their due is always within our reach, since the debt is repaid when it is impossible, absolutely impossible to repay it, as in the case of a debt due to God’s failing to give us grace.  We never owe anything to God, to people, nor to ourselves except what we have received from God: thus we are always able to give what we truly owe.  We can always fulfill our duties toward God, others, and ourselves, since such duties cease when we are unable to discharge them.  Let us then hope; it is up to us to be blest, for it is up to us to be just.  (We can always be blest, because we can always be just!)

5. Blest are they who show mercy; mercy shall be theirs. (Matthew 5:7)

Let us hope!  It is up to us to find mercy, to be saved.  For this purpose, all we have to do is to show mercy, when the occasion arises.  Let us hope, since God set such an easy condition as a price for our salvation.  Let us also hope because he is the first in practicing these virtues; if he recommends mercy, it is because he is merciful himself; if he recommends it so insistently, it is because he himself is infinitely merciful.  What greater reason for hope could we have than this proof of our God’s infinite mercy!

6. Blest are the single-hearted for they shall see God. (Matthew 5:8)

Further on, our Lord says: “The eye is the body’s lamp.  If your eyes are good, your body will be filled with light; if your eyes are bad, your body will be in darkness.” (Matthew 6:22)  This eye is the heart, the heart is the will.  If the heart is pure, simple, attached only to God, if the will is pure, simple, intent only on doing what God wills, on wanting what he wants, we will walk in full daylight during this life, for we shall be in the fullness of truth, and our life will be founded on the truth; our path will be in the light of our life at all times for the one who is the light of the world will enlighten it ceaselessly; and, at the end of our pilgrimage, we shall see God.  Let us hope, since in order to see God, all we have to do is to be purely attached to him from the heart, and to have the good will of doing what he wants from us without any reservation!  How could we not love the infinitely lovable Being, this so gentle Child Jesus who loves us and stretches out his arms to us, from within his little manger!  How could we not do what he wants from us; when one loves, one is ardently thirsting to obey, and if the beloved is perfect and can only command perfect things, as is the case with Jesus, isn’t this the greatest possible happiness?  Let us hope, then, since Jesus made the conditions for our salvation so easy and so gentle!

7. Blest too the peacemakers; they shall be called sons of God. (Matthew 5:9)

Peacemakers, peace-loving, seeking to make peace among people.  Such are those who will be called “sons of God.”  You don’t give them this beautiful name without a good reason, my Lord Jesus.  They who seek to make peace among people, to be at peace with all, are those who know what humanity is: one sole family where all are brothers and sisters, whose Father is God the Creator; a family for whom this unutterably good Father wants only what is good, more than any other father and mother in this world could ever want for this own, a family where the Father wants love among his various children more than the most tender mother in this world would ever want it among hers; a family, therefore, where God wants peace and love, harmony and the most affectionate tenderness among all brothers and sisters alike, that is, all humanity.  They who remember this, and therefore want true peace among people, who are all brothers and sisters and all sons and daughters of God, are rightly called “sons and daughters of God,” since they remember their origin and their Father.  Let us hope; let us hope, since Jesus declares blest whoever is a peacemaker; and what is easier than to do our best to be at peace with all and exert ourselves as God wants us to do in order to bring peace among others?  What is easier for one who thinks that all people are the beloved children of God and that Jesus gave his life for each one of them?

8. Blest are those persecuted for holiness’ sake; the reign of God is theirs. (Matthew 5:10)

Blest!  This very word proclaims hope!  Every time you utter it, my God, it is as if you were pointing your finger to Heaven for my sake, as if you were telling me: hope to go up there!  Indeed, who is there who can’t suffer persecution for holiness’ sake?  There are so many ways to suffer persecution for the sake of holiness!  All of us, if we so want, can suffer persecution for holiness’s sake: first, from God, by humbly accepting, in a spirit of penance, as a just punishment for our trespasses, all the afflictions that we will bear in this life; then, from ourselves, by self-mortification, so that we may suffer in such a manner a just punishment for our faults against God; then again, from the demons, by courageously resisting all their temptations which are the persecutions they inflict on us, so as to force us to abandon holiness, to destroy the holiness that is in ourselves, to make us offend the supreme holiness of God, out of hatred for all holiness, in order that there may be war in Heaven and on Earth; also, from people, through all the sufferings they will inflict on us, to lead us away from good, and we will never fail to be persecuted by them, not only by the wicked but even, at times, by the good ones, whenever we want to follow our Lord with our whole heart and apply all our strength to the achievement of holiness.  Let us hope therefore!

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GOD 101: Value

I have been rooting around in a bunch of ideas lately.  And continually, my attention is drawn to just one concept: value.

It’s as though I am in my garden and I keep seeing a little, shining piece of gold in the dirt, and as I shift the dirt to find it, it disappears, only to reappear again, winking at me.  A charm that’s fallen off someone’s wrist.  But doesn’t want to be reattached.

It’s a fascinating concept, value.  Now that it has caught my attention, I keep finding it peeking at me wherever I go, whatever I am contemplating.  It’s there, facing me.

I keep having the thought: in the end, it’s all about value.

Not The End, mind you.  Just the end of whatever it is I am mulling over.

Take slavery, for instance.  Slaves, on the whole, considered themselves to have no value.  Ironically, it was their effort that made the plantations that they lived on prosper.  A printer would never find himself saying that his press had no value.   And yet that is what happens to people: they are assigned a certain amount of value, and, for the most part, this assignment is accepted.

A child in school absorbs the value placed on him through the marks on his papers and the scowls on the teachers’ brows.

A child like me, one who watched and listened intently to the priest in front of me, was told that, in terms of the church, the place where I felt at home, I had no value.  It was like being a lamb who was told it didn’t belong in the field.

Where else was there for me?  Nowhere.

And yet, because of God, I just continued to walk on.  Walk past all those black-robed priests who scowled.

For black Americans, it took a little, black lady, too tired to keep walking, to sit down and be arrested for it for the small voice, wait, I have value, I can sit here, to be heard.  Or begun to be heard.

It is no small thing, this matter of value.  Our sense of value takes on a spiritual quality because it becomes the lens through which we view the world: if we are pushed down, then the world is seen as oppressive and antagonistic.  If we are raised up in the eyes of those who assign us our value, then we sing with joy and dance through the rows of corn.

Other people are assessed, in essence, by the way we value ourselves.  It is the base of our exchange with the rest of the world.

We hold our sense of value deeper than an emotion, deep within our souls.  It becomes that which holds us in our place, unless, that is, something causes us to reevaluate our place and change our sense of our value.  Sometimes we rise ourselves up, we face down our critics, and we open our hands to receive our improved status.  Other times, we fall back and allow ourselves to be lowered, lowered, until we rest at ground zero.

And this brings me to the question, Why do people not value Christianity?  What other system of being whispers to us deep in our souls, no matter who you think you are, I know that you have value.  You have value, and you are valued.

In God, there is no need to ask.  The answer is always, and will ever be, you are loved.

And so, like so many of my other studies these days, my imagination comes back to the Passion.

The man who offered God to those he touched, and yet was told that was of such low value that he needed to be destroyed.

Eradicated.  Like a disease.

You are God.  We don’t want you here.

You are of no value to us.

It’s as though we live in another world altogether than the one God wants us to live in.  We seem to understand what he wants of us, and we have got a hold of the idea that here we are free to do as we please.

Children whose parents have slipped out and left no caregiver.

Free.

And the one thing we are committed to doing is stripping value from God.

This passion to strip God of value was there then.

It is here now.

And yet Jesus let us know what he was all about.

A seed that will die.

But will not be alone.  Will not have no value.

He is the one that will die and bear fruit.

The value of God.

Amen.

 

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PRAYER: A Novena for the Seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit

Author unknown

O Lord Jesus Christ, who, before ascending into Heaven did promise to send The Holy Spirit to finish your work in the souls of your apostles and disciples, deign to grant the same Holy Spirit to me that he may perfect in my soul the work of your grace and your love.

Grant me the Spirit of Wisdom that I may despise the perishable things of this world and aspire only after the things that are eternal,

The Spirit of Understanding to enlighten my mind with the light of your divine truth,

The Spirit of Counsel that I may ever choose the surest way of pleasing God and gaining Heaven,

The Spirit of Fortitude that I may bear my cross with you and that I may overcome with courage all the obstacles that oppose my salvation,

The Spirit of Knowledge that I may know God and know myself and grow perfect in the science of the saints,

The Spirit of Piety that I may find the service of God sweet and amiable, and

The Spirit of Fear that I  may be filled with a loving reverence towards God and may dread in any way to displease him.

Mark me, dear Lord, with the sign of your true disciples and animate me in all things with your Spirit.

On my knees, I, before the great multitude of heavenly witnesses, offer myself, soul, and body to you, Eternal Spirit of God.  I adore the brightness of your purity, the unerring keenness of your justice, and the might of your love.  You are the strength and light of my soul.  In you I live and move and am.  I desire never to grieve you by unfaithfulness to grace, and I pray with all my heart to be kept from the smallest sin against you.

Mercifully guard my every thought, and grant that I may always watch for your light, listen to your voice, and follow your gracious inspirations.  I cling to you and give myself to you and ask you, by your compassion to watch over me in my weakness.  Holding the pierced feet of Jesus and looking at his five wounds, trusting in his precious blood, and adoring his opened side and stricken heart, I implore you, adorable Spirit, helper of my infirmity, to keep me in your grace that I may never sin against you.

Give me the grace, O Holy Spirit, Spirit of the Father and the Son, to say to you always and everywhere, “Speak, Lord, for your servant hears you.”

Amen.

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POETRY: The Ascension

Written by Fray Luis de León; translated from the Spanish by George Dardess.

How can you leave your flock,
O holy shepherd,
in this valley deep and dark,
while you break the pure
air, departing to regions immortal and secure?

Those once blessed,
now sad, afflicted,
those nourished at your breast
and now by you dispossessed,
where will they turn their faces?

Can their eyes,
having seen the beauty of your face,
see anything now that does not fret them?
And to ears that heard your sweetness,
is not all else clamor and dullness?

And that swollen sea,
who now shall calm it?
Who tame the burning wind?
With you in eclipse,
what star shall guide the ship to port?

O envious cloud,
do you grudge even our brief delight?
Where do you fly in such haste?
Your departure, so splendid and bright!
But how poor and blind you leave us!

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STORY: Thumping Watermelons, by Dominic Grassi

From Bumping Into God

Work was almost sacred to my dad.  For him it was a sign of both responsibility and manhood.  It was also the primary way to show others you loved them.  It is no wonder, then, that my brothers and I were working in the family grocery store even before our voices began to change.

As we grew older there was a progression in our responsibilities.  At first, all we were expected to do was “front the aisles,” which meant straightening up the shelves and moving the cans, packages, and bottles forward to be more clearly seen and accessible to the customers.  We were also responsible for retrieving wayward shopping carts and taking the empty deposit bottles to the back room.  From this we graduated to packing the shoppers’ grocery bags – eggs and bread on top, or else.  Then we became full-fledged stock boys with our own ink price stampers.  At fifteen we were subbing for the men who took care of the fruits and vegetables in the produce department.  A year later we were sent to the National Cash Register School for three days, the only males in an all-female class.  Truly that was the pinnacle.

I enjoyed working in the produce department the most.  Being the youngest, I was bossed around by everyone else.  But back in produce I was away from the critical eyes of my family.  Better yet, I was near the grapes and cherries, which were just waiting for me to pick at them.  I quickly learned to keep the cherry pits in my pocket so that my dad and my uncle wouldn’t be able to catch me eating up the profits.

I became very accurate with the scale, and my math skills helped me with the quick calculations necessary when a customer only wanted four oranges and they were selling six for fifty cents.  I was trained to always round up and give the store the extra penny.  (The answer is forty cents.)

One summer day, however, problems arose when one of the produce workers was on vacation, another on his day off, and the other on his lunch hour.  That meant I was left alone with all the fruits and vegetables and customers.

My fears were realized when one of those customers asked me to select a ripe watermelon for her.  I very judiciously looked them over, selected a few, and thumped them.  I nodded knowledgeably, smiled, and then announced triumphantly which one was the best.  The problem was that I had no idea what I was doing.  I couldn’t distinguish a good thumping sound from a bad one if my life depended on it.

The customer then announced that she wanted only half of the watermelon.  Right there – before her eyes and mine – we would see whether or not I had selected the ideal watermelon.  She warned me in no uncertain terms that I had better had selected one that was ripe, with little rind, juicy, but with not too many seeds.  Just how, I wondered, was my thumping supposed to do all that?

I had no choice.  I sliced open the melon.  Immediately she informed me that it just wouldn’t do.  It had too many seeds.  So I threw it out and halved another.  But after she tasted it, she announced that it wasn’t ripe enough.  She made a face at the next one, saying that it was much too ripe.  The next one had too thick a rind; she hurt her teeth biting into it.  By this time, with all her tasting she had eaten probably half a watermelon.  So I shouldn’t have been surprised when she left without selecting any of the dozen or so that I had cut open.

I looked around and panicked.  There were pieces of watermelon and rind, seeds, and juice everywhere.  The garbage bin was filled with discarded melons.  What would happen if my dad or my uncle saw the mess I had made?  As I was frantically trying to clean everything up I saw my dad.  He was heading right toward the produce department and me.

The first thing he said was, “What the hell?”  I quickly interrupted him and tried to convince him that this mess wasn’t my fault, that everything just got out of control – that he, after all, had taught me that the customer is always right..  He just stood there without a word, his look making me feel even more stupid than I must have sounded.

I have never been able to read my father well.  Just when I thought I was going to get a major chewing out in front of coworkers, he said, “I know her.  You never could  have pleased her.”  And he started helping me clean up the mess.  I couldn’t believe it.  When we were done, he didn’t say another word about it and neither did I.

Sometimes forgiveness can happen when we don’t even say we are sorry.  We make excuses and try to cover our tracks, thinking that we might convince God to accept our version of what happened.  Instead God accepts us and shows us we are forgiven by helping us get through the mess we’ve made – no matter whose fault it was.  Often we are surprised by God’s forgiving response when we really shouldn’t be.  We expect God to be less than God.  And when God responds, we are left speechless.

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